jonny5's flickr photos

Zero Per Gallon's story

The New York Times recently framed the energy crisis nicely: "No one differs on what’s really responsible for all that underlying demand here for black gold: the automobile, fueled not only by gasoline but also by Americans’ famous propensity for voracious consumption."

Just look at the numbers. The US has 3% of the world's population, and uses 25% of the world's oil. "Voracious" is an understatement; greedy might be the right word. And "propensity" is too kind; addiction is more like it.

That's what inspired the creation of ZPG: a little anger at the way things are, and a little vision of the way things could be. A little caffeine, too.

A sticker was born. It was October, 2005 in Washington, D.C. 500 were printed. They were purchased rapidly. Oil prices rose. 2000 more stickers were printed. They were purchased rapidly. ZPG moved to San Francisco. Oil prices continued to rise. More stickers. Patches, too. More sales. Still higher oil prices. More bicyclists. More ZPG merchandise. More people poking fun of our embedded habits. More people taking pride in casting off those habits. More people discovering a better way to get around.

And there's no getting around the best way to get around. Biking is fun, and quiet, and cool. It's practical. It's also fast, simple, and pretty easy. It's social. It's enlivening. It's freeing. It's heroic.

It's also healthy, and fatties that we Americans are, we could all use more exercise. (Does driving to the gym to run on a treadmill really seem like progress?)

Biking is far cheaper than driving a car, too. According to the Department of Labor, we Americans spend 18 percent of our income on our cars (if you include maintenance, insurance, and gas). That's more than we spend on healthcare, which is pretty scary, considering how fat and unhealthy we are. Maybe that's because we drive so much...And, yet, behind all of that fat, the real costs of driving are hidden. Gas is heavily subsidized, so the price you pay at the pump doesn't reflect its true cost (reasonably estimated at $10/gallon).

Perhaps best of all, biking is politically and environmentally tenable. The bicycle lobby isn't tangled up with oil-exporting nations, or over-eager to drill the hell out of our last great wilderness. Bikes don't clog up public spaces in cities, and they don't spit out pollutants that create acid rain, smoggy air, and global climate change.

The car age is ending, and it's about time; few other technological advances impose so many burdens.

ZPG, then, has become one way to make this point: Biking costs less for us, for our cities, for the planet. Go ride a bike - and spread the word...

Jonny5's story

Prior to his service as the big banana at ZPG, Jonny5 was the leading goatless leader in America. Since founding FGCA (Future Goatless Crusaders of America) 15 years ago, he has presided over, consulted for, advised, or otherwise counseled and guided nearly every goatless association in America, including People for the Goatless Way, Americans for an Entirely Goatless Society, the Union of Concerned Goatless Freaks, Americans for Goat Reform, the Center for Goat Restraint, Concerned Goatless Advocates for America, the Goatless Research Council, Goatless Folks for Choice, the Advisory Committee on Goats and the Damage They Cause, Consumers United for a Goatless America, Washingtonians for a Goatless Majority, and the Association of Eastern Goatless Crusaders. He served on the President's Why-Not-All-Furry-Farm-Animals-Are-Good Executive Council, and has the distinction of having served as the chairman of the board of USBGOG (United States Board of Goatless Oversight Groups) longer than anyone else in history, an indication of the confidence, faith, and trust that the people of his homeland have regarding him and his VGP (Vast Goatless Powers).

Jonny5 has received a number of prestigious awards and honors, including NAAMBNEATG's (North American Association of Mostly But-Not-Entirely Absurd Trade Groups) Antigoat Crusader of the Year (2001-2004); the National Goatless Club's 2005 Annual Achievement Award; the National Goatless Enforcement Association's Citizen Rights Defender Award; the American Goatless Federation's No Friend of Goats Farm Bureau Award; the Southern Texas Association of Goatless Farmers' Fighter for Goatless Enterprise Award; and the North American Association of Residents Against Any Goats in My Back Yard International Leadership Legislative Award. Jonny5 also received an honorary degree in Goat Studies from Harvard University.

As the big kahuna at ZPG, Jonny5 serves on five influential committees, four very-important task-forces, three prestigious executive councils, two top-secret board groups, and one all-encompassing trade association. When not attending to such business affairs, Jonny5 spends his time in Washington, promoting the ZPG agenda:

Jonny5 is currently the Head Coach of the NFT (National Fun Team), the Ranking Bearded Member of DCPAC (the DC Pirates Awesomeness Committee), an Honorary Fellow of HAHAS (the Hanover Association of Humor And Satire), Special Assistant to the USDRD (United States Department of Redundancy Department), Managing Director of the USOT (United States Obvious Team), and Chief Operating Officer of J5CGSS (the Jonny5 Center for Giggling and Silly Stuff). He is a former winner of the USTHC (United States Turtle Hurdling Championships), the WVC (World Velcro Championships), and the NYMSFAEYMJ (National Yo' Mamma's So Fat Award for Excellence in Yo' Mamma Jokes).

Jonny5 is also an active hitchiker, skinny-dipper, rodeo-attender, stick-of-butter-eater, tornado-survivor, spell-checker, slackline-walker, internet-peruser, trackstand-trickster, jello-bather, acronym-inventor, pineapple-wearer, deodorant-abandoner, litter-picker-upper, and hyphen-user. He's a sucky marathon-runner, a fierce grommet-installer, a buoyant swimmer, a respectable pasta-cooker, an advanced duct-taper, a long-armed climber, a generous cat-adopter, a diligent bike-builder, an alert grammarian, and a tireless anti-goat crusader. He owns three bikes, and he really enjoys swearing at bad drivers.

(He also works as a freelance writer; hire him!)

Contact

His Royal Excellence the Honorable Plenipotentiary Head Honcho Chief Executive Big Banana of ZPG, Mr. Jonny5, can be reached at:


May the FSM (Flying Spaghetti Monster) bless you.